The Best Version of You
a story i read in some website and i want to share it with you..
enjoy reading.. XD
Manila International Airport, 2:00 am. It’s been two years since she had last seen the Manila International Airport. Not much has changed. Her last memory of this airport was when Miguel dropped her off. She was on her way to New York to pursue a career in Wall Street.
“Promise me something will you? Please don’t get married until I come back?” She jokingly told him as she lifted up her backpack.
“LOL. Very funny. Ikaw ang mag-promise. Promise me you won’t run off with some nerdy economist in the next two years.”
“Let’s see, shall we. Bye, Miguel. I’ll call you as soon I get to New York.”
That was her last memory in this place. The warm Manila air made her feel a bit restless and yet she feels excited. This is the first time in two years she’ll be seeing Miguel again. She was thoughtfully going through the immigration counters, thinking of how much she missed seeing Miguel. How different would he be now? Sure he sends her regular weekly e-mails and pictures but being the busy person that she had always been, she didn’t get the time to chat with him and buy a webcam.
She’s finally out. “Where is Miguel?” She wondered. “Ah there!” she exclaimed when she saw the silver gray Nissan Patrol parked near the exit. TGW926. Yup, that’s Miguel alright. Her heart was leaping ahead of her as the driver got off.
“Hey! I missed you!” He said, as he hugged her.
“I missed you too. So much.” She said, as she hugged him back. It was warm. It felt good to be back. It felt great to feel his hug.
“Let me get those.” He said pointing at her luggage. “Then we’ll have more time for hugging and chika.”
“Okay.”
Edsa, 4:30 am. Miguel’s cellphone rings. Mama, the name flashes on the screen.
“You should really get that.”
“No, you should get that. She’s been waiting for you. She insists that we go straight to her after I pick you up form the airport. She also insists that you spend tomorrow with her.” Miguel was talking about her mother. Miguel was an only child and his mother wanted a daughter. She would often tell Bea that since she doesn’t have a mom anymore, she should let Tita Doris be her second mom. She loved Bea as if she were her own daughter.
“Hello? Yes, Tita. How are you nap po?… ah opo. Miguel already told me. Sige po. Okay po. I’ll see you later.” She turns off the phone and looks out the window. The phone rings again, this time the name “Sugar” flashes on the screen. Hmmm, “Sugar.” He was quick. He got a hold of the phone and answered it. “Hello. Yeah. Pauwi na. I’m with her na. Yeah. Tomorrow, I will. Promise. We’ll see you tomorrow.”
We? Is that supposed to mean me and him? See Sugar? Who is Sugar, anyway? “Who was that?” she couldn’t keep herself from asking. “Sugar ha?”
“I’ll introduce her tomorrow. Uwi muna tayo sa bahay. By the way, kamusta na si Edward?” “Edward?”
“Oo, si Edward, naalala mo yung boyfriend na iniwan mo sa New York? Anong klase ka ba naming girlfriend? Kaya hindi kita niligawan eh. Baka makalimutan mo rin ako.”
“Ah si Edward. Hayun. Nasa New York.” Miguel has met Edward when he came to New York to give Bea a surprise visit. He seems a nice guy. Not the geeky economist Miguel pictured Bea would end up with. He is actually a cool guy and loves Bea a lot.
“He called me up, a week ago, asking a lot of things about you. Parang may balak ata…”
“Balak na?”
“Tell me, did he propose to you? He sounded like he was going to propose to you kasi.”
“Ah look, here we are at Tita Doris.”
At Tita Doris’, 4:45 am. A pleasantly plump woman enters the living room. She was in her mid-fifties, a familiar warm smile and two open arms. She welc! omed Bea, gave her a big hug and kissed her on the cheek. “Hay anak, kamusta ka na? Na-miss na kita. Pinakain ka ba nito si Miguel?”
“Opo, Tita.” She looked around. Not much has changed in this house. She remembers spending her college days in this house. She remembers sinking into Tita Doris’ arms when her mom died. She remembers only good things about this woman. She can’t remember a time when she had been unkind to her and yes, she loves her like her own mother.
“Iha, sabihan mo nga yang si Miguel. Sabihin mo ‘wag padalos-dalos magdesisyon. “
“Po?”
“Mama naman. Let Bea rest. I’ll tell her everything tomorrow.” Miguel interrupted his mother before she can spill the beans.
“Ha? What was that all about?” Bea was curious.
“Bukas na lang.”
“Okay. Tita, if it’s okay I’ll go rest now.” She hugged her, and proceeded to climb the stairs. Miguel followed her carrying her luggage.
“Alam mo I missed this house. ! Uy sino ba si Sugar? Tsaka bakit parang worried nanay mo sa iyo?”
“Bukas na. Sugar is having lunch here.”
“Hmmm, intriguing, pero sige. Bukas na.” They were both standing as the door to the guest room. “Alam mo, it’s really good to be back in this house. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Tita Doris’ 10:00 am. She woke up, sunlight flooding her bedroom. She was able to rest. She got up, arranged the bed sheets and took a nice, cold shower. Minutes later, she was down at the garden having brunch with Tita Doris.
“Hi! Tita. Where is Miguel?”
“Sinundo si Sugar.”
“Sino ba yang Sugar na yan? Nai-intriga na ako.”
“Iha, I’ll let Miguel tell you who Sugar is. Promise me something, though. Whatever happens you’ll always be my daughter, Bea?”
She felt scared. Why was Tita Doris suddenly serious? “Opo naman.”
“Anyway, iha. I heard from Miguel your boyfriend sounded like he was going to propose a week ago. Did he propose?”
Bea looked at her hands, bare of any engagement ring. She looked at Tita Doris and smiled. Before she could answer, Miguel showed up. With him is a woman she had not seen before. She was of medium frame, shoulder length hair and looked very feminine.
“Sugar, the sister I never had, Bea. Bea, Sugar, my fiancée`.” It felt as if somebody had thrown cold water on her. His what? Blood rushed to her head. She blushed. Her cheeks felt very warm. She couldn’t swallow. Her heart beating a hundred beats per minute.
“Your what?” She looked at Miguel, blushing then suddenly white as with shock. “I’m sorry, Sugar but this is quite a surprise. Miguel has never mentioned you in any of his e-mails,” she said as she looked at Sugar with a confused look. She looked at Tita Doris, she looked back as if she was consoling her.
“Yeah, I got engaged. I’m keeping my promise. I’m getting married on Saturday. O di ba you’re here ! so in essence I’ve kept my promise.”
She managed to smile faintly. She hugged Miguel and congratulated him. She even managed to tell Sugar “You got a catch here, girl. Take good care of him or else I will snatch him under your nose.” It sounded as if she was just joking, turning over a very important possession to it’s next owner. In the deepest recesses of her person, she knew she meant it.
“He told me a lot of nice things about you.” Sugar said, smiling at her as if they had been friends for the longest time.
“I’m sure he has.”
Lunch was served. All of Bea’s favorite Filipino dishes. She and Sugar spent time chatting the afternoon away, looking at Bea’s and Miguel’s college photos and yearbooks. She found out that Sugar likes most of the things she does. They both came from the same high school. As she tried to get to know Sugar better during their afternoon chat, she realized that not only was she perfect for Miguel,! she also seemed like the best gal pal Bea could find. They talked about the wedding details, the dress, the ring, the shoes, the tiara. They like almost the same places, the same styles, the same shops. She told Sugar they should do shopping marathon together. Had it been another day, she would be telling herself that this is really a great opportunity to find someone who understands her shopping needs. Except that this is not one of those days… Except that this woman, this perfect, feminine girlfriend was Miguel’s fiancée`.
Bea’s phone rings. The name Boyfriend flashes.
“You should really get that” Sugar told Bea.
“Yeah, I guess I should. Hello? Yes? I’m good. I’m here at Miguel’s. Oh I have in front of me Sugar, Miguel’s fiancée`.” The words almost got stuck in her throat, but she still managed to give Sugar a smile. “Listen, I’ll call you later. I have very good news for you.”
Miguel sat down beside Bea. Sugar was looking at them and asked “So tell me? Was there never a time the two of you were more than Platonic?” Bea and Miguel looked at each other then looked at their own hands. Miguel’s gaze turned to Sugar. He answered “Of course not. Bea and I were never like that.”
“As in?” Sugar inquired.
“LOL, oo naman. She was a handful. Too much to handle for me. I can’t keep up with her. She’s never stands still.” Miguel looked at Bea and smiled, his eyes turning into slits as his dimples gloriously show.
“I guess that’s the way for you. But not for Edward.” Bea replied, with a little hint of disappointment.
“Okay lang yun. Edward is tough enough.” Miguel was still smiling.
“Wait, speaking of Edward. I need to call him.”
Bea left the garden and went up to her room to call Edward. “Hello? Edward. Here goes. Yes. The answer is Yes.”
*********
The wedding went well. It was one of the most elegant weddings she had seen. Sugar had everything covered and she was a very beautiful, blushing bride.
“I, Miguel, take you, Sugar, as my friend and love, beside me and apart from me, in laughter and in tears, in conflict and tranquility, asking that you be no other than yourself, love what I know of you, trusting what I do not know yet, in all the ways that life may find us.”
Bea felt a stab of pain hitting her heart. She slowly got up, walked away from the spectators. Tears streaming down her flushed cheeks.
**********
Bea is once again on her way to the airport. Miguel is driving for her, this time with a wedding ring on his left finger.
“Hay, here we go again. I’m driving you to the airport. Kailan na naman kaya tao magkikita?”
“Ewan ko. Tell me something,” her tone all too serious. “What was it that you love about Sugar? How did you know she was the one?” Miguel just smiled. “Dali na ano? Malay mo I need to decide in a couple of days diba?”
“You know what I love about her? The same things I loved about you before. The only difference is that she’s not as ambitious as you are. When you left for New York two years ago, I knew I don’t have a place in the life you’ve chosen. I don’t blame you for that. You’re good in your field and I thought to myself that it’s your right to move on without me. Moving away was a decision you made for yourself. I know this sounds silly and you might nag me about it but I found the better version of you in Sugar. She’s so much like you in so many ways but the only difference is she loves me more than you do.”
She wanted to cry the tears she had kept as he witnessed him say his vows, but kept her composure. She just chuckled a laugh. How could he move on without her? Why was it easy for him and not for her? As she got off the car, she gave Miguel one last hug. This time she felt her heart heavy.
“I guess this is goodbye?” she told Miguel.
“Wait, I’m not letting you out until you answer question. Did Edward propose?”
Bea showed Miguel her left hand. In it was a one carat diamond solitaire ring set in platinum. “Yes.”
Miguel let out a sigh and congratulated her. As Miguel turned his gaze from the steering wheel to Bea’s face, he saw a single tear fall from her right eye and then she said, “If it gives any consolation. Edward was the best version of you that I can find in New York.”
———— —-
DoN’t LEt gO tOo sOon bUt dON’t HaNg On tOo lOnG
when loving someone never regret what u did …
only regret what u never did ..
its not a matter of finding the right person …
but its a matter of being the right person for the one u choose to LOVE….
dirty little secret
ayun na..
sinu nga ba ang taong walang secret?
di ba?
pero bakit nga ba sila may secret?
anu ba kasi yung secret?
secret is..
lihim sa tagalog..
haha..
well let’s get going to my dirty little secret..
ahm..
i dunno if im gonna say it..
but im FORCED to say it..
eneweys, here it goes..
before i had this inis factor sa mga bi or bisexuals b’coz i have experienced na pagmalditahan nila..
may isa kasing lalaki na pedeng landiin sa isang inuman na napuntahan ko, at meron ding bi na parang trip landin yung lalaki at syempre anudun ako na ang balak ko ay maglandi lang talaga..
so i made my move and while doing that nagulat ako sa exenang ginawa ni bi..
anjan ang pa-epal scene.. “uy anu yan? ang lansa nyu naman..eeww” sabi ni bi..
anjan din ang lasing-lasingan scene.. “tabi jan nasusuka ako!” sabay daan sa pagitan namen ng lalaki..
and many more to count scenes.. (actually i just forgot..hehe)
and so wala syang nagawa napunta sa mga kamay ko si lalaki..
akala the end na dun.. kinabukasan.. after nawala ang mga visitors at naiwan ako at ang pohtang bi..
eto na..
super talak sya saken ng kung anu-ano mga bagay na hindi ko maintindihan o ayaw ko lang talagang intindihin..
since din naging bitter na ko sa kanila..
kasi they were to anxious if it comes to landian, uu nga naman since na nakadamit panglalaki sila, mahihrapan talaga silang maglandi..
di katulad ko na cross dresser, i can’t flirt anytime i want..
but of course people change, so do i..
gusto ko na sila..
bakit?
eh kasi.. anu.. panu ba toh..
i had this close encounter with one..
i almost made up with him..
kasi ganto yun..
sometimes i had this so called “tama ng alak” that what i want to do is to join my friends pag-pauwi na sila..
kahit na wrong way yun pauwi sa haws ko..
so ito nga, we were in a drinking session tas pumunta tong si “bi” actually he’s my friend’s friend na naging friend ko na rin kasi nakasama ko na xa before.. at sa loob pa ng rehas ha, nacurfew kasi kami nun.. kaso that time eh wala pa ata kaming malisya sa isa’t isa..
until nga nung gabi na yun.. we drunk till we empty 4 or 5 bottles of hard drinks, then nagkayayaan ng umuwi, tas sabi ko sabay na kami..
though alam kong alam nya na marowrong way ako, dedma lang naman xa, di naman xa nagreact eh, so sa jeep kwentuhang lasing nah, till sinabi nya na bababa na daw sya, so sabi ko sige bababa na rin ako..
yun na nga sabay na kaming bumaba…
and then we kissed..
sa may gilid lang yun ng seven eleven sa tapat ng la salle dasma..
the kissed was so passionate..
parang i was kissing a straight men..
wala xang halong pagpapagirl, he really acted like a man..
actually i wanna go further than that kaso napatingin ako sa sky..
to my surprise sky blue na ang kulay nya at sa farthern east side ay medyo may kulay yellow na..
tinanung ko na xa kung anun tine na, sabi nya 6:00 am..
shoot! sige uwe na ko bye..
yung lang yun..
forgot to tell that we exchange number nung nasa jeep pa kami..
so we became textmate pa nga eh, balak ko na xang karirin eh, kaso xa walang balak magpakarir..
ayun..
tas may mga friends na rin akong bi now..
ang nakakaloka lang, mas malandi na sila ngaun kesa before, they’re too agressive..
mahilig sila sa eyeballs then after that sa kanya-kanyang place para mag-do..
pero i guess lifestyle na nila yun eh, la na ako magagawa dun..
open na rin pala ako na if ever na may chance na magkajowa ng bi eh di go for it..
sayang, pseudo bf din yun..hehe..
geh na paalam..
Pseudo Boyfriend
She is a 24-year old copywriter. He is an architect.
They met and became lovers in college. They broke up last year but
remained to be “friends.”
They send sweet text messages and he calls her often to make sure
she’s okay. They still date. They still have sex.
They don’t see anyone else. It is obvious that they still love each
other but when asked about their situation, she doesn’t
know the real score. Even her friends are in the dark.
“Parang sila, pero hindi.”
————————————————————————————–
She works in a telecom. He is reviewing for the board. They are in
the same barkada. They talk on the phone till 4 am. He gives
her chocolates, flowers and CDs even when there is no occasion. Their
friends are suspecting something. Bakit sila nagsosolo kapag may
overnight inuman? Why does he hold her close on the dance floor? Bakit sila
magkaholding hands lagi?
Sila kaya?
“He hasn’t admitted anything,” she rants. “But I let him hug and kiss me.
Parang kami, pero hindi.”
——————————————————————————————————–
They work together in an ad agency. After office, they would watch
movie, have dinner and stroll at Glorietta. She gave him Harry Potter books
for his birthday in exchange for posing as her boyfriend to make an ex
jealous. They made out during the company outing in Subic and
never talked about it. He said “I love you” once but she wasn’t sure if she
heard him correctly because they were both drunk then. But one thing
she is sure of is her feelings for him. She likes him. And she’s
assuming that with what he’s doing to her and with her, he likes her, too. There’s just one hitch: he has a girlfriend!
———————————————————————————————————–
She is a 28-year-old virgin. He’s a 35-year-old bachelor. Both mountaineers,
they became close during their climbs. After a few dates in posh
restaurants, he brings her to his condo where they would make out.
They have been doing this for months. She wants to believe
that “sila na” but then she’s not really sure about it. “We don’t talk about
it but it doesn’t really matter,” she’d tell her friends. “What’s
important is I am enjoying this — whatever it is.”
———————————————————————————————
The “parang kayo, pero hindi” stage. Others call it MU or mutual
understanding. Pseudo-relationships. Pseudo- boyfriends.
Flings. Almost like a relationship, but not quite. It is a phase
where the persons involved are more than friends, but not
quite lovers.
Puwedeng may verbal agreement, puwedeng wala. One or both of
you may have admitted your feelings, possible ding hindi. You just let your
gestures do the talking for you. Walang pormal na ligawan na nangyari. Hindi
kayo mag-dyowa.
Pero sa kilos niyo, sa mga sinasabi niyo, parang kayo, pero hindi.
This kind of ”relationship” can happen at different stages for
different reasons. It can happen after a break-up. You still
love each other, and you want to be with each other but you broke up for a
reason. And for reasons that you alone know, ayaw niyo na muna
magkabalikan.
It can also happen before a relationship, iyong pareho kayong
nakikiramdam. Possible din na ayaw niyo munang mag-seryoso
kaya kunwa-kunwarian lang muna.
Testing lang.
Puwede ring hindi puwedeng maging kayo kasi isa sa inyo –usually
the guy –may ka-relasyon na. Kaya habang hindi pa siya
nakikipag-break doon sa girl (sabi niya makikipag-break siya soon pero di
naman niya ginagawa), wala muna kayong relasyon para nga naman hindi siya
nangagaliwa kasi “hindi naman kayo.”
This pseudo-relationship stage, for a time, can be fun. Lalo na kung
naghahanap ka lang naman ng “kalaro.”
Pero huwag ka lang mag-e-expect na may patutunguhan kayo kasi wala
talagang kasiguraduhan.
So bakit ang daming nagse-settle sa ganitong set up ganoong hindi
naman sigurado kung may patutunguhan?
Iba’t ibang dahilan. Puwedeng for fun lang.
Puwedeng “buti na iyan kesa wala” or puwede na iyang “pantawid-gutom.”
Meaning, habang wala pa iyong the real thing, doon muna sa
kunwa-kunwarian.
For those who are not in a serious relationship, they would think
that pseudo-relationship is better than no relationship
at all. It would be fun, if all you are after for is that “kilig” feeling.
Aminado naman ako na once upon a time, may mga pseudo-relationships
din ako. ( Actually till now..) No commitments involved. For the simplest reason
that we couldn’t commit, because we were either committed to someone
else, or that we weren’t ready to commit.
My rationalization, “okay na iyun, kesa wala.”
Ang habol ko lang naman, iyong kilig feeling. Iyong merong nagtatanong kung
kumusta araw ko. Iyong merong ka-cuddle sa beach outing. Iyong kapag
tumunog ang cellphone, mapapangiti na ako dahil alam
kong galing sa kanya ang message. Iyong merong laging kasama. Habang
wala pa ang the real thing, puwede na itong pagtiyagaan.
But then I learned that although it was only a pseudo-relationship, the
emotions were real. And usually, in this kind of set up, ang babae/gay (kasi gay ako ehh)
lagi ang lugi.
Una, you can’t ask him to commit. Since it’s not really a relationship, you
can’t demand commitment from your partner. Ano ba kayo? May K ka nga
ba magpasundo ng hatinggabi? You will always be uncertain about your
role in his life. You can’t expect him to be always there with you. And if
you feel jealous of the other girls, you just have to keep it to yourself.
Ano ka ba niya para magselos?
Pangalawa, what if you fall deeply in love with him?
You can’t be sure if he feels the same way. Baka nag-a-assume ka lang
na mahal ka rin niya.
Even if you are dying to tell him you love him, you can’t.
Because you’re not sure if he’ll like it. Baka mapahiya ka lang.
This stage will always make you wonder where you are in the relationship.
Or if there is a relationship at all.
Pangatlo, what if you become attached too much?
What if you have invested all your emotions and this man hasn’t?
What if you remain faithful to him, not entertaining other guys,
only to find out that he is seeing other girls?
Isa pang downside ng pseudo-relationships, it is fleeting. When a
disagreement sets in, or when one of you gets cold, then that would
be the end of it. Unlike in a serious relationship, hindi mo
alam kung saan ka lulugar sa isang pseudo-relationship. Wala kang
pinanghahawakan.
Kasi sa pseudo-relationship, there is no “us.” Meron lang “you and me,”
hindi “us.”
Buti sana kung pseudo-pain din lang ang mararanasan mo. Kaso, hindi
eh. Real pain. And usually, kahit tapos na ang pseudo- relationship, hindi mo
maiwasan umasang one day, may karugtong pa rin iyun. And
you will be miserable, hoping to bring back what you used to have, only
to find out eventually that the guy is in another pseudo-relationship with
somebody else.
Ang hirap, ano? You agreed to this kind of set up for fun and then
you’d end up hurting yourself in the process.
Pero puwede naman maiwasan ang pain eh.
Puwede naman na hindi mo muna isipin ang future and just enjoy the feeling, without thinking of the consequences.
But if you are certain that you are going to hurt yourself in the
process, kailangan mo mamili. You can be happy and live
the moment without worrying what would happen next. Or you can stop settling with pseudo-relationships and wait for the real thing.
When I was younger and in a pseudo-relationship with an unavailable
guy, a friend told me, “Sige, kung ayaw mong magpapigil, bahala ka.
Magpakasaya ka.
Pero huwag kang iiyak-iyak pagkatapos, dahil tatadyakan kita.”
Ang bottom line lang naman, kung magpapasaya sa iyo, gawin mo.
Ihanda mo lang ang sarili mo sa consequence. Dahil ang “parang kayo pero
hindi” stage ay bihirang nagiging totoo. Usually, hanggang
doon lang siya …
